Up-Up-And- …Woah. Dude, I’m Flying.

Keanu Reeves to possibly play Superman.

I’m scared.

Mostly by the god-awful, Land Of The Dead And Probably, Like, Totally Stoned picture of the actor in that article.

The article points out an odd coincidence which I think is actually a probing key to how the universe works. George Reeves played Superman on TV in 1973. Christopher Reeve played him in the later movie series. Could the Reeve-ish name be responsible for Superman’s mass-media charm? Was there some arcane alignment of the planets or pile of chicken entrails that had dictated this decades before now? Is there any way to get this image out of my head? The one with Superman wearing dark glasses saying “I know Kung Fu” right before breaking into an air guitar solo? Please?

He may arguably be a better choice than the previous candidate of Nicolas Cage (With another fetching ghoul-on-the-town picture… have we found another pattern?). However, there seem to be enough Superman movies in some stage of production, why not use them both? Throw in Steve Buscemi (who always looks half dead, and appears in 70% of Hollywood movies anyway) as Lex Luthor! Laurence Fishburne as Lois Lane! George W. Bush as Jimmy! Roseanne as Darkseid!

Ya know, some of those could actually work. Now I’m more scared.